During the early morning hours of
July 20th, 2016 Robin Renee Deutmeyer passed away at Finley Hospital
in Dubuque, IA. Robin was 31 years old.
Those were the first two sentences
of my baby sister’s obituary. Robin and
I were only separated by 11 months with us being the same age one month of year
which she always thought was pretty cool.
As young children Robin and I played together a lot. Although I had an older brother I often found
myself playing “quieter” games and activities such as Legos, GI Joes, and
occasionally Barbies (usually GI Joe was mounting an assault on the defenseless
dream house). Typically anything with my
older brother would end up with me laying on the ground next to a ramp made
from bricks and boards as he tried to jump his bike over me (which is great for
a while), so Robin and I naturally played a lot together.
Unfortunately, during middle school
we started to part ways and grew further and further apart as we headed into
adulthood. As I reflect back on the
great times we had as kids I am humbled at the things Robin has taught me in
the last few years at a time where our relationship was fairly distant. One of Robin’s best qualities was she never
gave up on people.
So often we hear the slogan, “Be
who you are.” This is said on
commercials, in self-help books, read on billboards, and heard in schools. It is easy for us to encourage people to be
who they are when it fits within our social norms. However, it is much more challenging to do so
when they would be seen as “odd” or “strange.”
As I helped my mom write Robin’s obituary I found myself wanting to
paint a picture of Robin that would fit my social norms. My mom quickly pointed out that what was
being written was too business like and not reflective of who Robin was. So, we wrote a whole paragraph about her love
of fairies and another about her dog and guinea pig. Why?
Because she loved those things and it reflected who she was. Throughout Robin’s life she was true to who
she was. Many people, myself included, tried
to make Robin someone she was not. Robin
never gave into that pressure. She was
bold in who she was! My sister taught me that we should not
focus on molding people into who we think they should be but instead simply
love and be with them.
In the intensive care unit with my
family I had several conversations with my cousins about how Robin was always
calling, Facebook messaging, texting, or just asking when she could hang out
with us all. Robin asked me countless
times to get lunch together, have the kids come over, and most recently watch
the new Star Wars movie together.
Regretfully, most of these invitations were turned down. However, that never stopped her from reaching
out and asking. One of my flaws is that
when someone is no longer in my weekly bubble of interaction I pretty much stop
reaching out. Robin was not this way, in
fact, she was very much the opposite.
She was always reaching out even after countless rejections. Robin
valued relationships and worked hard to maintain and further her past, present,
and future relationships.
The last time I saw my sister was
when she surprised my daughter by showing up to her last softball game. As soon as Hannah saw her she ran up and gave
her a big hug. My sons Caleb and Isaac
quickly realized Robin was there and knew that she would take them to the
swings near the ballpark. Robin swung
the kids and generally played with differently than I often do. She was never worried about what was
next. When she was swinging the kids she
was focused on swinging the kids until THEY were done being swung. This
is how Robin was, simply, focused on what she was doing and not worrying about
what was next.
Robin will be laid to rest on July
25th, 2016. She leaves behind
a family that she loved and cared for very much. She has made us all better. In brief reflections since her death I have
seen how she was courageously herself, cared for others by always reaching out,
and finally how she was focused on the present.
I am confident that in the coming days, weeks, months, and years I will
continue to learn more about the great impact my little sister had on my life
and those she loved.
